My therapy is expensive–or rather, my co-pay is high ($60/session), and I only see E. once every two weeks. I know this makes it feel all the more urgent that I deal with the most crucial issues, so maybe I jump in too deep too fast.
Going into my therapy session on Wednesday, I was feeling pretty good. In fact, I’d been feeling better for about a week, which is the longest I’ve felt fairly sane since I don’t know, maybe December. Since I felt better, I thought it would be a good time to try to talk about some of my earliest, scariest traumatic experiences. Little girl, family member, oral sex, YUCK.
Such a hard topic, and only 45 minutes with E. And now I feel I’m out here in the world with all these hard feelings and no help with them. My stomach hurts, my skin crawls, my body aches, my concentration is poor.
What does this mean? That I should go slower? But for heaven’s sake, I’ve been in therapy for years. How slow do I need to go? I’ve heard people say that at the end of therapy it is good to box it all up until next time, but two weeks is a long time. And anyway, the box is leaky. Or maybe I’m doing it wrong?