I forgot my anti-depressants again yesterday morning. I didn’t start to notice it until the evening, when the negative thoughts got meaner than usual. Still, I didn’t realize what was going on until I woke up screaming from a dream. A young girl was coming to smother me with a pillow. (No, I don’t think it’s my younger self coming to kill me. She’s not violent, and she’s not mad at me.) As I settled down and started to drift off to sleep again, I realized that I had extra bright and colorful images in front of my closed eyes. This was a sure sign that I had missed the venlafaxine.

The colorful images I see on the nights after I’ve missed my meds are intense and beautiful. I don’t usually have nightmares, just vivid dreams. It’s the following day that is the real problem. Upset stomach, inability to eat. A heaviness in my body and a fuzziness in my head. It’s a chore to get through work, and I know I won’t make any progress on therapeutic issues today.

Ah well, I took my appropriate dose this morning, and tonight I’m starting to regain an appetite. I seem to do this to myself about once a month, so maybe I’m safe now for the rest of August.