I had a really interesting therapy session with E. yesterday. We let Doubt in the room for 15 minutes, and she surprised us a little with what she had to say.
Then I came home, and when I went to bed, the little girl who was me, once-upon-a-time many years ago, wondered if I was going to stop believing her. Why was I talking to Doubt again? Did I believe Doubt over her? I hadn’t been writing to her very much lately; was I done with her?
So here’s my quick response, late at night after another long day of work:
My dear little one,
I haven’t changed my commitment to firmly believing you through the end of August, no matter what sneaky thoughts Doubt tries to plant in my head. I do believe you and care for you.
After August, if Doubt gets to come back at all, she’ll come back in a different role in our lives. She won’t be allowed to undermine you. I will not go back to believing Doubt and denying you. I know you feel nervous about that, but I’m staying by your side. I have learned that it is good for both of us for me to believe you. You and me, we’re together now and we’ll stay that way.
I’m sorry that I have been attending to work, and my need to plan a break, and my conversation with Doubt, and my visit to my family. I mean, I am not sorry that I am attending to those things, but only that I haven’t protected much time or energy for you. I still care about you in exactly the same way. How about we plan some focused time this weekend?