I don’t know how I can live with myself. I finally shared the secret with E., and she sees now how disgusting I am. She is trying to help, but I know it won’t be the same anymore. Some things are not fixable and not forgivable.

This is not a decent post, I know. I don’t have enough distance to have any insights from our conversation today.

I want E. to still be my advocate and supporter but I’m not sure she can. I saw her sit with her arms crossed, protecting herself from the muck that oozes out of me.