believe the girl

Clinical and Personal Details


I don’t know if diagnoses matter all that much. If my therapy is helping, it doesn’t matter to me that much what condition my therapist thinks she is treating. We almost never talk about diagnoses. Still, if it helps you understand me, I believe my current diagnoses are major depressive disorder (recurrent), generalized anxiety disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. (Maybe that should be complex PTSD?)


Currently Effexor (venlafaxine), Wellbutrin (bupropion), and gabapentin.

Previously: Prozac, Paxil, nortriptyline, lithium, lorazapam, clonazepam, trazodone, and possibly a few others I’ve forgotten.

How long have you been depressed?

A long time, ages, maybe since I was a teenager? But I was first diagnosed about 20 years ago. Sometimes it gets better for a while.


Researcher in the social sciences. I used to work at a medium-sized non-profit, but I quit that job in September 2016. Now I consult part-time from home.

Place of residence?

Pacific Northwest, United States. I like it here. It’s not where I grew up, however. And I have lived a number of different places, both in the U.S. and in Europe.

Are the stories true? Do you use real names?

Don’t be shocked, but my real name is not Quemada. But it works for me as an online identity for now. While I am not ashamed of what happened to me (okay, sometimes I am), I am not ready to tell everyone I know about it. And while I am not ashamed to have depression, I recognize the stigma, and I don’t currently have the strength to take up that battle on top of everything else. Maybe I will in time.

The family members I write about have different real names than the ones I use on my blog, and I alter minor details when needed, but they all exist.

The stories I write about are true. When I have doubts about memories, I write about that too.

7 thoughts on “Clinical and Personal Details

  1. I think I’m caught up better now, Quemada, so won’t have as many questions.

    I’ll tell you a little about myself too. My father suicided when I was 8; I’ve been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and PTSD. Of the 4 medications you mentioned above, I’ve been on all of them, as well as many others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Questions are okay.

      I’m so sorry about your father. That must have been incredibly traumatic for a little boy (for anyone, really). While it’s outside my experience, I imagine it to be something that lingers your whole life, quieter for a while perhaps, and then active, painful and urgent in some new situation.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I found the trazodone definitely helped with sleep. I took it for several years. More recently I have stopped because I’ve been feeling over-medicated and groggy in the mornings. But I kind of miss it, because now I’m having a lot of sleep problems again. 50mg is not a high dose–you might try it and see what you think.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. @La Quemada: Ugh. I hope you can get your sleep back to adequate again.

    @Rayne: I was on Trazodone for a short time. I recall that my thoughts were still pretty active even a half-hour after taking it, so didn’t really help me with sleep. Though I’ve heard some people have had good results with it. You can read a lot of different opinions about it from the reviews link at


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