What’s The Real Issue

I’m very unsatisfied with yesterday’s post, which turned into a bit of a rant about my first husband and some statements about how I wasn’t really as bad as he said I was. That’s not really what I meant to say nor really what I needed to process. There’s something else going on for me,…

Another Letter From My Wiser Self

Letters to different parts of myself are a way for me to practice having compassion for myself and to talk back to the “I am bad” voices in my head. Today’s letter is to the self that was moving toward a departure from a terrible first marriage. Why write to her now, when that happened…

Using The Precious Therapy Hour

I have one hour of therapy a week. No, actually I have 45 minutes. It’s so little time, sometimes just enough to get me up the point of something deep and then it’s time to go. Also, E. follows my lead in what we do with those 45 minutes. This makes me feel like I…

A Look Back

As my first marriage crumbled (many years ago), I became deeply depressed. Also at this same time, I started having my first memories of sexual abuse, some of them clear, some of them fuzzy (and which I have only recently decided to believe). Sometimes looking back helps me see how far I have come but also to…

Ending A Crazy-Making Relationship

Early on, I learned to accommodate the wishes of men without even thinking about what it meant for me. That was no doubt one piece of what taught me that I didn’t deserve to be treated with respect and contributed to me staying far longer than I should have in a marriage where I was endlessly…