I have long had this image of Self-Loathing as either a dirty, shuffling wreck of a woman or someone very haughty with sharp fingernails and a sharper tongue. It turns out, however, that behind that disguise, SL may in fact be a little girl.
Ouch – my therapist and I stumble across my pain, and hers.
I know, I’ve covered this terrain before. But it still feels so important to me to figure this out.
I’ve now been on lithium for 12 days. It hasn’t helped at all so far. In fact, I think it’s making things worse. I feel even more tired than usual, and my thinking is fuzzy and confused or obsessive and self-destructive.
Next year maybe I’ll skip everything from mid-December to the second week of January, thank you very much.
It’s not an uncommon story – a child is molested by an adult. The most important part might be how the story ends.
My dad’s interest in porn, his objectification of women, my newly experienced rage, the election, and the empowerment of little girls. In my own head at least, these things are all connected.